I'm getting too old for camp...

There are just so many fart jokes one man can take for an entire weekend.

This past weekend we took the teens from our Alpha church to The OAKS Camp and Conference center in Lake Hughes, CA. For the past four years we have taken a ton of teens from the Garnet neighborhood to this camp. It's a great place, and I really vibe with a lot of their values, which are extremely Kingdom based. This year we brought 8 teens from the Maple neighborhood. This has been my third year going to camp and going into the weekend I was NOT excited.

There were 17 boys and 11 girls that went up. My friends Matt, Sergio, and I were the only ones from staff who were there to take care of 14 Jr. High and High Schoolers. We were going to be stuck all in one cabin, for three days, living life together. Like I mentioned before, there are only so many fart jokes one man can take. It was like I was ripped out of my 30s and transported back into Jr. High with all of its hormone filled awkwardness. 

What first started out as dread, my attitude towards camp slow changed. I was able to reconnect with many of the students. I felt God's presence during many occasions. I could also see how God was talking specifically to not only our teens, but also to our staff. He was moving and allowing us to be a part of it. My roommate, Tommy, was the speaker at camp and the whole time I didn't once think about how well he was doing while speaking. It wasn't because Tommy wasn't good, but it was because it was overly apparent that God and His spirit was moving... it almost made Tommy obsolete (in a good way).  Five people made decisions to follow Christ for the first time.  Another half a dozen rededicated their lives to God's purpose and plan for their lives.  The best part was that the decisions were not some sort of emotionally manipulated
 "alter call."  Instead, after Tommy spoke, we were instructed to go back in silence to meet with the community of people who we came to camp with.  In these smaller communities, the opportunity to make life-changing decisions was given.  This is when the teens decided on their own - without manipulation, intentionally downplaying the desire to have attention poured on them - these were decisions were ones that they wanted to make on their own. 

There were two parts of camp that I felt personally blessed to be a part of. First, I got a chance to reconnect with Israel, Karin, and Sergio (pictured below). For the past three years Matt and I have journeyed with these three guys. There have been many ups and downs, but through it all we have remained friends. I have been able to give them advice, direction towards God, and perspective in certain situation. Those three guys, have specifically, have changed my view on what God originally intended church to be like. Even though I try and express this to them, they have had played a huge role in my own personal spiritual formation that they don't always understand. The guys all opened up about destructive things that they want to change in their lives. I was able to open up with them and allow them to speak into my life. There were many great moments with these guys.

The second part of camp that really impacted me was setting up The Most Valuable T-Shirt (www.themostvaluabletshirt.com). There were so many people that helped out to make this website work. From Mission Increase inspiring us to do something completely out of the box (mulberries, whooo hoo!), to my friend Adam who designed the entire site, to the teens who designed the t-shirts, to those of you who decided to sponsor a teen to go to camp and go one of these shirts in return. It was so fun to oversee this whole project and to know that God used it for his own good. The best part of The Most Valuable T-Shirt was being able to connect each donor to the teen that they sponsored. Each donor sponsored a specific teen to go to camp. And each of those teens had unique situation that led them to camp. I asked each donor to pray over the teens and some prayer requests that I was coming up with off the top of my mind. Even God had his hand in this because many of you were ask to pray for very specific things that were actually answered at camp. It was kind of baffling to be honest. Yet amazing all at the same time.

Sergio getting ready to jump off the leap of faith

Israel bear hugging little Diego.  Israel is a big kid.  I used to be taller and out weigh him.  Now he can just crush me like he did to Diego. 

Karin and I at the last session

Final group shot... the "silly picture" is a camp tradition.  Every year we do it and every year I have to come up with another pose.

Why am I still single: an even more confusing look into the life of the "30 and single"

Returning back to my home town and running into my own friends and acquaintances undoubtedly brings up three questions.

1.  How’s Solidarity doing? 
2.  When are you moving back to the Bay Area? 
3.  Are you dating anyone yet?

Without fail most of my conversations end up revolving around those three subjects.  The first two are expected questions, but the third… well the third really intrigues me.  Some people are just bold and ask what’s wrong with me, how come I’m not dating, married, and popping out little Kevins.  When I was younger I got that question outright a lot more often.  It seems that the older I get, the more people really want to ask the third question, yet some get a little apprehensive and nervous to ask it.  It is as if they don’t want to offend me, or remind me of a missed opportunity.  Maybe it’s a fear that the question will bring up pass regrets with an ex, or a sense of trepidation that the question will cast an overwhelming fog of loneliness onto my life.  I think the question triggers all sorts of random emotions within me, but I never really dread the question.

When I was still in elementary school I remember talking to my mom on my bed about my plans for my life.  I thought I would have taken 4 years to graduate college, met a girl there, married just out of college, found an amazing job, bought a house, started my masters, and then waited to have kids around 25.  There were moments in my life that my adolescent life map began to match up with the reality surrounding me.  After I graduated college I started dating a girl for 3 years and fell in love.  We had a great relationship.  I was checking out Masters programs at CSUF.  Things were falling into place, but I think deep down I knew I wasn’t ready for marriage even then.  I was a 23 year old college graduate in a great relationship, but in reality, was still that same little elementary kid sitting in his room with his mom talking about what my future “might” look like. 

I am now 30.  This is the decade that people are supposed to have life all figured out.  I never imagined years ago that I would be single at this point in my life.  I always thought I’d be married and raising a family by the time I reached my 30s.

The third question doesn’t just happen when I’m at home.  I hear it at work, when I go to weddings, when I catch up with long lost friends at parties, and random times when I go out to coffee.  I often hear “you should really meet my friend…” or “what do you think of so-and-so?”  Maybe it is a little weird.  I have not even been on a date since my last relationship, 4 years ago (the closest was with this friend of a friend who lived in LA, acting, and was never really a reality… and that’s a whole other story, ha).  Talk about a dry spell.  My love life is like trying to take a bit of a saltine cracker sandwiched between two pieces of cardboard, in a bucket of sawdust, in the middle of the Mohave. 

Sometimes I think about my predicament.  Why am I still single?  Why haven’t I even gone on one date since my last relationship?  I am a relatively good catch, right?  I’m 30, single, working at a minimum wage job, and sleeping in the “office” of my married friends’ condo.  Ha ha… if that is NOT a catch I’m not too sure what is?

If I were to honestly reflect, at some point in the past eight years the value of marriage has slipped down a couple of notches.  I am not too sure why it has.  Something that used to seem inevitable, all of a sudden has a big question mark following it.  I have not ruled out marriage at all.  There are parts of me that would love to have a girl I could share everything with.   I have been in awe and wished I had someone next to me that I could have experienced that with.  I’ve walked out of that amazing restaurant bleeding of joy, heard a certain song at that unexplainable moment, took a walk in the rain while the air was just perfectly warm and wished that there was an amazing woman there with me.  Sometimes I wish I had a girl who just understood me, and in my endless ramblings and absurd verbal processing, could just sit and candidly nod her head “yes.”  Yet the pursuit of this mysterious woman has lost its luster.  I look for her, but I guess I just don’t try too hard.  There is a sense that if it is to come… then it will come.   No need to force it.  There is no urgency.

Fear might be a reason for my lack or urgency.  Let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger, any better looking, or increasing any of my attractiveness points.  The past four years since my last relationship has been some of the most amazing moments of my life.  In the past few years God has taken me on an amazing journey of self-discovery, identity, and purpose that I have not experienced the two and a half decades prior.  Being a part of the things that God has been doing through Solidarity has been a huge aspect of my journey.  I have fallen in love with a neighborhood and community unlike anything I have experienced before.  This is the closest I have felt to God in my life.  God has opened me up to a refreshing understanding of what it means to live, to view his Kingdom, and to simply be.  There is an amazing group of friends and family who have been willing to walk with me through the good times and, even more importantly, the bad times.  After nearly 28 years of feeling lost and just “not exactly sure,” I have begun to feel at home with who I am.  I have stepped into this amazing journey and I have done it as a single man.  I have experienced the ease and the freedom of traveling through this without worry of another.  I think that there is some fear that, by being in a relationship, my journey will all of a sudden stop. 

If I were married and had children I would feel an overwhelming need to provide for them, to give them something more than I currently earn or have.  I am not too sure I would be able to continue to work at Solidarity in the capacity that I have been, or spend the amount of time in these neighborhoods that I can see God so blatantly working.   A healthy fear?  Ha, no, it’s not a healthy fear… not in the least bit.  I am not claiming that this is in any way rational.  But deep down there is a fear that a relationship or marriage might separate me from something beautiful that I have been experiencing. 

Obviously, I know that God works through couples.  My co-workers are living examples.  Tommy and Rachael are married with two small children and playing a huge part in the Kingdom.  Rosie is a single mom and rediscovering the depth of God’s love.  Matt and Beth dated for the last four years and just recently got married and are being blown away by the way He’s moving in their lives.  I guess I don’t doubt that God works in married couples, dating couples, or parents.  What I do doubt is myself.  I am not too sure I am strong enough to be in a relationship and not feel like I must provide for my family.  I don’t know if I have the faith that God will provide no matter what.  I am afraid that being in a relationship and married, I would break down get another job, spend less time in the neighborhoods, and miss out on what God is doing.  Maybe I am not strong enough to balance both.  Maybe I do not have the faith to allow God to take care of my future wife and family.  Maybe that is the fear that has unconsciously kept me single.

Most recently, I have become more aware of this fear.  I am slowly learning about why I am the way I am.  Singleness is not a curse, nor is it the utmost ideal for everyone.  Paul talks about the gift of singleness and the freedom that comes with being single.  It allows individuals to participate in the Kingdom in a unique way.  I feel like I have come to understand that perspective.  It makes sense to me.  I am starting to warm up to opposite perspective – understanding the value of participating in the Kingdom with a wife, with a family.  Maybe this does mean that sometime in the future I’ll get married, or maybe it just means I’ll continue to be single.  Who knows?  In the meantime feel free to fire away your questions.  Ha, go ahead and check in to see if I’m dating anyone or if there are any potential girls in my life.  But just know; you may get some confused answer in return. 

Unknown San Francisco

Every time I ever visited San Francisco it was to go directly to my grand parents' house or a specific restaurant or to an event in a designated area.  Sometimes we would walk around China town or do the touristy thing in Union Square, but for the most part I never have had the chance to explore the City.  My parents grew up there so they just took me and my sister exactly where we were supposed to go.

While I was at home during Christmas break I decided to take off one day and just explore San Francisco by myself.  I wanted to get some time to get lost and find some undiscovered areas.  I didn't want to do any of the normal tourist spots, so the night before I googled "unusual things to see in San Francisco."  Here are some excerpts from my adventures...

1.  First stop was the Mission District Murals.  I went to 24th St and Harrison, just north of Garfield Park, to find Balmy Alley.  I guess that certain artist started painting the open spaces in this part of the city in the '70s.  Each painting is colorfully made and they bring a vibrancy to the community.  Every where I walked I heard Latin music blaring from open windows and passing cars.  I expected people to be there when I showed up, but I was the only one in the alley.

2.  I heard that there were "adult slides" somewhere in the city.  There is this tiny park just east of Twin Peaks that has these old cement luges that were originally made for kids I think, but everything the internet said was about adults spending hours just sliding on the slides.  It rained the night before so my butt got a little wet and they were not nearly as fun as the "testimonials" said.   It was also shot on my Blackberry Curve... it's pretty terrible video shot.




3.  I had not been up to the top of Twin Peaks for ever.  I decided since I was so close to check out the view given it was a pretty clear day.

4.  If you guys have spent any time with me you know I drink way too much liquid and always have to pee.  At the top of Twin Peaks they had one of those "famous" San Francisco Self Cleaning Toilets.  It had to be at least a decade since I've used one of those...

and yes... I was still going to the bathroom, taking the picture, and didn't even drop my Blackberry into the self cleaning toilet. Skills my friends, pure skills.


5.  I drove around for a little while and then wanted to go to the Palace of Fine Arts.  I know that this is a touristy spot, but it's definitely one of my favorite places to go.  I love it there.  My sister and brother in law got me a gift certificiate to a local book store in Petaluma, so I decided to finally buy The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon.  I got a chance to do a little reading at the PFA on a little bench in front of the lake.  It was a nice relaxing time.

 6.  The last stop on my trip was to go to one of the 27 San Francisco Public Library locations to pick up a library card.  My brother in law, Mark, is almost finished with his Masters program to become a librarian and he tipped me off that anyone who lives in CA can get a SF library card.  This allows you to access any of their on-line resources.  One of which, is nearly complete on-line programs of Rosetta Stone in 12 different languages.  At Solidarity I cannot even communicate with our parents in Spanish and for seven years I still cannot say much more than "how are you doing."  It's really pathetic.  Hopefully Rosetta Stone will help me out.  Here's me and my fancy new library card.

If you guys want to leave a comment please leave some names (and addresses) of other unusual places to visit while in San Francisco.  I'd love to have more places to check out each and every time I come to the city.

The Doorbell Just Kept on Ringing

Every time the doorbell rang, somebody new was standing at our front door with an envelope of money. Rachael hardly had a chance to sit down last Saturday because new people kept coming by to bless us. In one of our hardest times financially, our community responded and we were blessed far beyond our expectations.

Last week we knew we were in trouble. It was nothing new, another Non-Profit Organization in the midst of a financial mess. There were many of us who have not been paid for the past seven weeks, and we have been halfhearted hanging onto dependence on God. At the end of the week our mortgage was due and we barley had half of the payment. Through out the week both the Nixon’s and I continued to believe that God would provide.

On Monday we were excited to see what God was going to do. Tuesday came and passed, yet there was still feeling of hope. Optimism started to become more of an ideal by the time Wednesday night came. Our house was trying to remain trustful but nothing was happening. We were trusting in God, but He was not showing up they way we were hoping he would. On Thursday a feeling of dread started to hit. I wish I could say that my faith is unwavering, but the weight of the upcoming deadline was feeling heavier and heavier. Friday was the last day to check Solidarity’s P.O. Box to see if any checks came in allowing either me or Tommy to cash one of our pay checks from a month ago. With a renewed sense of hope, we went to the post office only to find an empty faux bronze box staring back at us. Nothing came in. There wasn’t a surprise check from a large donor, nor was there a donation from one of our church partners; instead, what we did receive that day was the knowledge that 1,800 dollars in taxes were due next week. At this point, Bethany wrote a letter asking our community for help. The letter went out around 4pm that Friday night and we just waited.

If I were to be completely honest I could tell you that I believed that God would provide. It wasn’t a matter of “if” the Nixon’s and I would be all right. Maybe we’d have to move. Maybe we would lose the house, but in the long run we’d be ok. What I was having a hard time with was, truly believing that this process was good. I don’t want to be dependent on God and His people. I don’t want to have to humble myself and accept help from others. The Nixons and I talked about how we want to be able to provide for ourselves, to not have to rely on others, to be independent, self-sufficient, and make it in this world BY OURSELVES.

I know it seems juvenile to not believe even though God has been more than good through out my life. Yet, I forget. We were like Israel whose very feet walked on the floor of the Red Sea while the water was walled off on either side of them, but completely forgets that God has their best interest in mind while they are having a tough time in the desert. God has been working on our community to free us from the slavery of being dependent on money, but I kept on asking God what’s really wrong with finding security in money. It’s the way everything is run in this culture and this generation. We need money, your church runs through the system of money, why are you asking me to put my trust in you and not money? And in response, I felt like God continually pushes back and has been saying to me, “My church does not need money to exists, my people do not need money to thrive, just abide in me.”

Saturday was an overwhelming day. Each time the door bell rang, the more the Nixons and I felt God showing His love to us through His people. Our emotions were all over the place that day. We felt feelings of guilt for getting something we did not deserve. We felt extreme emotions of hopefulness and gratitude. At times we couldn’t even respond and the three of us would just laugh at how insane this was to have people coming up to us and caring enough to pass along envelopes of money. After a while some of the neighbors started coming over and giving us money. The very people who we first came into the neighborhood to “serve” were coming over to drop off envelopes to us. These were people whose legal status were in question, people who worked part time jobs, people who get stuck with adjectives like “poor” and “underprivileged”. These were the people, our friends, who were giving to us. If this is not the perfect expression of church, I don’t know what is.

Gratitude is one of those things that I wish came easily for me. It is hard for me to always remember and to be appreciative for the ways that I am truly blessed. I am mostly focused on what I need or what I could have. This last Saturday, God worked through many of you, and I could not help but to be grateful and appreciative. The ways that you guys love me and the Nixon family left no room for selfishness or a sense of hopelessness.

The Kingdom of God has always been an upside down Kingdom. Jesus always said the first shall be last. Blessed are the poor, the weak, and the least. And for this season of my life, these words have never made more sense. At Solidarity we continually try to live and see the world as Jesus did. And last Saturday, every time that doorbell rang and we saw one of you guys standing at our doorstep with a sheepish grin and an envelope in hand, we were reminded of how Jesus called us to live. Thank you guys, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.


A group of people who was just humbled,
but humbled in a really good way….



Kev, Tommy and Rach

My Support Letter...

Part of the motivation of this blog was to keep my supporters in touch with the things God has been doing in my life as well as what He's been doing through Solidarity. These three images are the original support letter I sent out to everyone asking them to join in with Solidarity. If you want to read them up close, just click on them... or you can email me (kevinmo-wong@solidarityrising.org) and just ask me for the PDF file of the letter.